The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

UK Release Date: 20th August 2010

A mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums (www.imdb.com).

Director: Tom Six 

Starring: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitanura

'Did I really just watch that?', is the reaction felt after watching the first sequence of The Human Centipede. A twisted concept exists in the mind of director Tom Six, but it's one that doesn't take shape due to a number of factors. First off, the acting is undeniably questionable, chiefly the trio that make up the 'human centipede' and the doctor whose mental state engulfs rational thinking. Grief is not felt for the blithering three, as the girls' (Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie) common sense doesn't kick in until miles after it's too late. They're strapped to hospital gurneys, ready for their procedure, just as a young Japanese man is. The questions that will be filling your mind do come (no spoilers here) as Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser) runs through the conventional duties an owner would do with his pet. Loopholes are aplenty, the most obvious being the centipede's attachments and whether it's possible. Others exists, but that's for you to find and decide for yourselves. The Human Centipede has quickly become a cult film, but for the wrong reasons.

1.5/5

Kung Fury

UK Release Date: 23rd August 2015

In 1985, Kung Fury, the toughest martial artist cop in Miami, goes back in time to kill the worst criminal of all time - kung fuhrer Hitler (www.imdb.com).

Director: David Sandberg

Starring: David Sandberg, Jorna Taccone, Leopold Nilsson

Cops. 80's TV. A norse god. Adolf Hitler. An ass kicking cop. Time travel. A dinosaur-riding, mini-gun wielding barbarianess. A triceratops cop. All of these appear in the 30-minute short film Kung Fury. Nothing makes much sense in the opening 5 minutes. Get past its weird action and you're in for a rollicking, funny satire. David Sandberg is Kung Fury, a cop with super martial arts abilities, who goes back in time to Nazi-Germany and take down Adolf Hitler. Kung Fury catches attention by mocking popular medium of the 80's. It's wacky, good fun.

4/5

The Love Punch

UK Release Date: 18th April 2014

A divorced couple scheme to recover the retirement money that was stolen from them (www.imdb.com).

Director: Joel Hopkins (Last Chance Harvey)

Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Emma Thompson, Timothy Spall, Celia Imrie

Love Punch is absurd. The story, going from believable divorcees in their daily routines, to mischievous, reckless wrongdoers plotting to steal a $10m necklace. Unfortunately, veteran actors Pierce Brosnan and Emma Thompson's acting matches the modest script. They head to Paris to retrieve their retirement pay that's been stolen from them, only to then make a rash decision, and persuade their friends the blah's (Timothy Spall and Celia Imrie) into helping them. The fact it only takes 10 seconds for them to approve only goes to show the ludicrous direction we're succumbed to. There is no punch to this love story, the few heartfelt moments are predictable, brushed aside for mundane jokes and terrible impersonations. An older generation of viewers may be attracted by the names tagged to what can only be assumed a romantic comedy. 

2/5

Serena

UK Release Date: 24th October 2014

In Depression-era North Carolina, the future of George Pemberton's timber empire becomes complicated when he marries Serena (www.imdb.com).

Director: Susanne Bier (Things We Lost in the Fire, Love Is All You Need)

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Sean Harris, Rhys Ifans, Toby Jones

Serena was filmed when Silver Lining's Playbook was being aired, but didn't reached its audience until two years after. Set during the American depression, Serena (Lawrence), a feisty, headstrong woman, becomes the wife of bureaucratic timber-man, Pemberton (Cooper). They have dreams of living far away from their home town in North Carolina, but Pemberton's past threatens to destroy everything they're working for. Serena is rife with potential. The settings are beautiful, the costumes, hair and make-up are extraordinarily detailed. It's ruinous then, that its material isn't profound enough to interest us in the lead characters and their problems. 

2.5/5

Drive

UK Release Date: 23rd September 2011

A mysterious Hollywood stuntman and mechanic moonlights as a getaway driver and finds himself trouble when he helps out his neighbor (www.imdb.com).

Director: Nicolas Winding Refn (Bronson, Valhalla Rising)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Oscar Isaac, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Christina Hendricks, Ron Perlman

Ryan Gosling is only known as The Driver, a movie stuntman that earns a few extra bob as the getaway man during heists. A particular job goes awry when helping the ex-con husband of the woman he gets close to. Less is absolutely more as Gosling gathers the attention with a forceful presence and few chosen words. A hard look and a slight expression is all that's needed to sway ours and Mulligan's affection. Drive's dialogue is compact, only making a show when the mise-en-scene needs a small boost. It's powerful cinema that's grandiose and slightly arty. Drive is one tense thriller, with intricate characters (including Bryan Cranston and Oscar Isaac) and an explosive story, never relaxing until it comes to an end.

4.5/5

Crimson Peak

UK Release Date: 16th October 2015

In the aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn between love for her childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious outsider. Trying to escape the ghosts of her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds...and remembers (www.imdb.com).

Director: Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth, Pacific Rim)

Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain, Charlie Hunnam

Small spoilers are contained in this short review.

The big names attached to Crimson Peak give nothing of its story away. Something's not quite right at the spooky manor on Crimson Peak. Young Edith (Wasikowska) is warned against going by a supernatural presence. Her newly wed husband (Hiddleston) and his domineering sister (Chastain) have a big secret to hide in their house that's a horror film lover's gold mine. It's a run down labyrinth, bleeding from the clay underneath and eroding from a lack of affection. Hiddleston and Chastain are complex siblings whose broad characteristics push the narrative in to territories with unexpected flare. Crimson Peak is fierce and hematic. Stands out amongst the now-a-day horrors.

4/5